Hush
by Calim1
Summary: A moment of harshness (One-Shot/Ficlet) (Character Death)


_Howdy!_

 _First off, let me apologize to all of my 'Blink of an Eye' followers for being derelict in my duties to this story. I've not abandoned it. I've put it aside until I can pull a month together to sit down and move it along. I scheduled too many writing workshops in a row and, along with moving, haven't had the time to sit down and focus. I will not just put anything down and post it. So, please keep waiting._

 _As to this short piece, I wanted to get some one-shots (or drabbles/ficlets) out there to push me back into the CSI mode for 'Blink'; get the feel for the characters again. I like to think of these as practice pieces and/or possible entries/parts of longer pieces. (Please note the Character Death listing.)  
_

 _These drabble/ficlets will be a series of 'Moments' - pieces dark and light that have been wandering around my brain searching for a larger story to attach to._

 _I hope you enjoy._

 _Onward ~_

* * *

 **CSI - Hush**

by Susan Dietz (Calim 11)  
Rating and Reader Alerts: PG  
Category: GG/CW - DRA/AU/CHARACTER DEATH  
Summary: A moment of harshness (One-Shot, Ficlet)

 _© June 2015_

 _Feedback is appreciated_

 _Disclaimer: The characters and general situations in this story are the property of CBS and Jerry Bruckheimer, however I reserve the rights to the specific details. It is not my intention to infringe upon their rights; this story is purely for the enjoyment of fans. Please do not redistribute in any form_

* * *

 **Hush**

"'Hush, little baby, don't say a word, Papa's gonna buy you a mockin' bird. If that mockin' bird don't sing, Papa's gonna buy you a diamond ring ...'"

Gil Grissom's voice petered out as with watery eyes he gazed upon the delicate thing he held in his arms. It was all too soon and all very wrong for so many reasons.

"She didn't want a diamond ring," he said, words slowly drifting off his tongue. "Said it was too pretentious."

Catherine Willows laid a comforting hand on his arm as she grinned. "Doesn't seem like her style," she responded quietly.

Slowly, he shook his head. "It wasn't." He paused, a slight tug at the side of his mouth appearing. "But I bought it anyway and put it in the safe. Thought she might ... change her mind." His chin trembled and he sucked in a breath, trying to take hold of his emotions. He had to keep it together. If he lost control again, he'd never get it back.

Catherine leaned in close and said nothing, trying not to think on how she'd found him those many hours before in his bloodstained shirt sobbing over the only thing he'd ever loved.

"'... and if that diamond ring turns brass," he picked up again, "Papa's gonna buy you a lookin' glass.'"

The sound of a gurgle met his ears then a pair of brown eyes appeared and his breath caught. It was like looking at what used to be his life, like looking in a mirror of things not gone long from this world. How could he have turned his back on what he now held in his hands?

"I'm sorry," he choked, tears beginning another trail down his face. "I didn't mean what I said. I would never ..." He shook his head.

"It's okay," Catherine tried.

"No, no it's not," he answered turning red-rimmed eyes toward her. "Nothing's okay, Catherine."

"It will get better."

He shook his head again. "I don't see how."

"Because of what you have in your hands," she said. "Your life is here now, with little Alice. She'll make things better."

He shook his head once more and closed his eyes. "All I see is Sara's smile slowly disappearing and her hand loosening in mine. I saw her life fade from her eyes, Catherine. That's all I'll _ever_ see," he said looking down at those little brown eyes, "each time Alice looks at me. I can't ... I don't know if I can get past that."

"So you're just going to turn away?" Catherine asked, trying to keep the touch of anger from her voice and failing.

"I ..."

"Someone else will raise her, Gil. Someone else will teach her. And that's only if she finds a _good _ home."

"Catherine ..."

"We've been to too many foster homes and adoption agencies to not know what _can_ happen, Gil. She could end up like all the kids we've seen walking the streets or worse. Is that what you want for her?"

"No," he said emphatically.

"Then dare to think what _you _ can give her," she tried. "Your heart is so full of love, Gil, and you've been waiting for this opportunity. Don't let this horrible tragedy change what the both of you set into motion. Let this gift Sara left you help with the awfulness of what's happened and give you what you need to heal."

He clenched his jaw. Everything was twisted up and unreal and if only he'd wake up he'd find everything as it was.

Feeling a pressure against his hand he looked down, new tears falling at the sight of a tiny hand wrapping itself about one of his gloved fingers. She gurgled again and he couldn't help but smile. The prospect of having a child had always been intimidating. They'd discussed it many times. He never once let himself think that the reality of it would be so terrifying now that he was alone, cut off from the one person who mattered most; the person who would've shared the life changing moment of watching those little fingers grow.

Now it was _his_ job and despite the pain of memory that would surface each time he saw her, this child, their Alice was his responsibility. He would keep his promise, the one he'd agreed to when everything was coming to an end, when she'd asked him to take care of their child. He couldn't turn away from that either.

"'If that lookin' glass gets broke,'" he began again. "'Papa's gonna buy you ...'"

Alarms triggered around them and he watched those tiny fingers slowly let go of his and her eyes close.

"No, no," he cried in a panicky voice. Nurses moved quickly toward them and carefully took Alice from his arms. "What's wrong? What's happening?" he begged as Catherine pulled him from the chair and out of their way.

"Mr. Grissom, please wait outside," one of them said.

"No. I need to know what's going on," he said his voice raising.

"We don't know. Just wait outside until we do."

"Gil, let's go," Catherine tried dragging on his arm. "We have to let them do their job."

"No, I have to stay. I won't leave her again."

"Gil ..."

"She has to know I'm here."

"She does know," Catherine stated. "Let them help her."

Grissom hesitated then shook his head and pushed against the orderly who'd magically appeared in front of him. Moments later he found himself outside the locked NICU door only able to peer through the clear glass windows as they all surrounded his daughter keeping her from his sight.

This can't be happening again. He can't lose them both in one day. Helplessness overtook him, robbing him of what little strength he had and he slid to the floor.

Catherine moved with him then wrapped her arms around his shoulders to hold him close, her heart breaking at the sounds of those anguished sobs escaping him. Her own tears dripped off her face as she kissed the top of his head.

"It'll be all right, Gil," she whispered. "I'm here. I'm here."

Words wouldn't come as he clutched at Catherine. Even if he'd had the ability to string them together, what words could possibly alter what this day had wrought. Only an ethereal force could turn back the clock.

And he wasn't on a first name basis with any of them.

* * *

 _Go ahead. Lay into me. Just remember - you know I love trauma, drama, anguish and emotional outbursts from our dear Grissom. The man is strong and determined and will muddle through somehow._

 _Commence with the 'how dare you' reviews. :-D_


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